We all know moments when we, or those around us, have been the best version of being human. It shows in creativity, solutions, wisdom, the giving and receiving of love, joy, generosity, trustworthiness, courage, faith, and more. The fundamental question is, “What brings out the best version of people and how do we replicate, increase and sustain conditions for this to happen?”
“The actual processes of individuation—the conscious coming-to-terms with one’s own inner center (psychic nucleus) or Self—generally begins with a wounding of the personality and the suffering that accompanies it. This initial shock amounts to a sort of a “call,” although it is not often recognized as such. On the contrary, the ego feels hampered in its will or desire and usually projects the obstruction onto something external. That is, the ego accuses God or the economic situation or the boss or the marriage partner of being responsible for whatever is obstructing it.”
by Carl G. Jung, From Man and His Symbols
My wounding of the personality was as a child, being raised in an opinionated family where tolerance and empathy were not strong suits. I know now this wound was my “call” and made for my dedication to learn and promote a new way. I found and incorporated human systems that honor individuals and communities, that bring out the best in people. Here’s what I know for sure about cultivating the best version of people:
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- Every problem is a result of a faulty system and many of our human systems (how we think, feel, speak and act) need to be closely examined and challenged. This means “common sense” may not necessarily in reality make “good sense.” I mean we need to challenge the status quo, things you hear people saying like, “You can’t be a good boss (or parent) and be a friend.” Or, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.” Or, “I don’t like it but some people need to be punished and controlled.”
- Every person is completely alike in the most important ways. Every human being needs to feel empowered, lovable, connected and contributing. While we all need to feel loved, we need even more to feel loveable. The latter is an outbound desire to make a positive difference to others simply through being us. But, if we are busy judging and criticizing each other and self, we impede feeling lovable.
- We all need to consciously practice behaviors that build trustworthiness. Every relationship rupture is based on one or more parties violating or neglecting straightforwardness (making requests, stating expectations), honesty (we lie), receptivity (giving others a fair hearing), disclosure (openly sharing feelings, opinions and ideas), respect (honoring worthiness in all), recognition (appreciating gifts, talents and differences), seeking excellence (our best), and following through on our commitments.
- Team is when we care about everyone being wildly successful.
- Purpose needs be our defining compass. In the absence of it, we most often default into limiting beliefs and fear and experience (and cause) the negative effects of operating from them.
This article was published in the column The Extraordinary Workplace in the St. Louis Small Business Monthly, December 2016
